


The Many Varieties of Defeat

by mmmdraco



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Drabble, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-08
Updated: 2012-09-07
Packaged: 2017-11-13 19:06:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/506727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmdraco/pseuds/mmmdraco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabbles examining defeat through the eyes of various characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Most go players have one game they consider their greatest defeat. Akira simply had one player at whose hands he never seemed able to truly win: Sai. Each game seemed more devastating that the last, but it was simply that each loss stacked on the previous ones as a further laugh at his progress. When Sai beat Akira's father, the sense of loss was something else entirely. He had lost his guidepost. Now, with nothing to signal him to where the path was, he was alone on his search for the Hand of God. No, not alone. He had Shindou.


	2. Chapter 2

When Isumi realized his mistake, all he wanted to do was to forge ahead and forget that it had happened. But he had always been a good son and a good friend and a good go player and none of those would allow him to push Shindou to a loss that was rightfully his own. When he admitted his defeat, it was as though a demon rose in his chest to attack those good parts of himself. Those good things withered in the face of what might have been. But that demon was the catalyst to turn good into great.


	3. Chapter 3

When Shindou Hikaru began learning to play go, so did Fujisaki Akari. She didn't spend as much time on it because it didn't fascinate her like it did Hikaru. In the very beginning, she actually managed to win against Hikaru two times. As time went by and his skills grew to something she didn't know how his small frame managed to contain, she held on to those two small wins as a reminder that there was a time when he wasn't so very much beyond her. And it was why she was happy to play him again, and to lose.


	4. Chapter 4

While Kishimoto liked his coffee black, he did have a slight preference for the white stones. There was something about playing at a disadvantage and still winning that appealed to him. This and his comfort were the things that warred within him before he ultimately chose to leave the insei. Playing at a small disadvantage was still much better than having no advantage at all. He could be great on a smaller scale. By playing at Kaio, he could still use his go as a trophy of sorts. It would lead him to other things, and strategy was useful everywhere.


	5. Chapter 5

Ochi lost plenty of times when he played go. Little losses, mostly. His most annoying loss was probably the loss against Yashiro, but even more unsatisfying was the win he'd had right before. A good game, certainly, but there wouldn't have been any honor is resting on his laurels. So he offered them up, and they were snatched away. The part that hurt the most was how everyone seemed to overlook just how much it had taken him to be the better man, and he had done it anyway. Ochi had great aspirations, but life seemed to overlook him, too.


	6. Chapter 6

He was ready this time, Kadowaki thought. This wouldn't be like last year when he walked in completely sure of his own prowess and ended up walking away with his tail between his legs. He'd put in the time to study and to play and his win-to-loss ratio was higher than it had ever been before. If he didn't make it this year, it would be because he really wasn't good enough and he could give up the dream forever. But the passion inside told him he could get there this time. He was a man who followed his heart.


	7. Chapter 7

Su-yeong had cried after a bad game of baduk before. Lately, it hadn't even been that unusual. He'd been sliding further down as everyone else clambored to get to the better spots; the ones he'd left behind. This game was a good one, though. The tears in his eyes seemed to give certain moves an even greater shine. Some of them were even his. He wanted the wins now. He wanted to get good enough to show his baduk to the world. He would have to unseat Ko Yeong-ha first, but Su-yeong though the older boy might appreciate the challenge.


	8. Chapter 8

Yang Hai stared at the game for a long moment with his heart in turmoil. He'd lost. His lips quivered and turned to a smile as he reached out to stroke the side of the monitor. He'd finally written a program that could beat him in go. He knew there were almost infinitely many variables and any one of them could have been more of a cause for his win than his programming, but this still seemed like progress. Yang Hai didn't believe in letting himself down, so he would work even harder not to do so this time, either.


	9. Chapter 9

Touya Kouyo had been thinking about retiring for a while before his heart attack. The go in the professional world just wasn't exciting any more. He'd laid claim to almost all of the titles at some point, and it was exhausting to constantly fend off those players who were coming for his throat, especially when they were all teeth and claws and no strategy. When his chance came to play Sai, his arrogance made him stipulate retirement if he lost, but he found a kindred spirit and his answer: the best go existed elsewhere and he would search it out.


	10. Chapter 10

"I'm good, aren't I?" Those words were going to stay in Waya's head forever. Sai... That loss had been something entirely unlike anything he'd experienced before. It was loss that meant something and taught him, but that little phrase at the end taunted him. It wove its way into his head and into every game he played until the thought was one he had when referring to himself. He never said it aloud, but all these years later, he could understand why Sai had. With all of that talent inside, the goban inself grew too small to express it on.


	11. Chapter 11

Go had been the most important thing to him, both in life and now in death. The name Fujiwara no Sai had been revered throughout the country because of his skill. But when he faced that final challenge in life, and lost thanks to the dishonor of his opponent and his inability to overcome it, the tarnish on his name was too much; enough to break him. When he returned and met Torajiro, he found relief in the game and the loss of his name. Go was his connection to the mortal plane, both in life and now in death.


	12. Chapter 12

Hikaru was used to loss. After all of those games against Sai, winning was still the abberation. Winning did feel wonderful. It was a mark of his devotion to the game and his dedication to learning it and to his innate skills. And the wins now were bigger and better than they had been in the beginning, or at least his own wins. Sai's had always been impressive. Even knowing that Sai's go was part of him, though, didn't keep him from missing his friend on a regular basis and hoping against hope for one more loss to him, somehow.


End file.
